-Monday, April 24, 2006-6:45:00 PM Y
life has been a silence..she seldom rply my smses..the only time she smsed me is wen she wants me to call her....i miss her..i dunno why..but i do..i wanna try and hate her..but i juz cant..i wanna act like i dun care..but i cant..wats wrng wit me..wat the hell is wrong wit me?
amilia..i duno wat i shud do..i wanna give it all up..but i guess im crap..i cant..i juz cant..i juz cant let you go..
i was late for therapy todae..damn..i woke u at 1130..and my therapy 1145..dead..!!!but nothing was wrong wen i reach'd there..my legs a better now..lesser pain..
amilia went out wit her frens..nursing frens she said wen i called her juz now..got nothing much to say..told her to njoy herself..she said she'll sms me ltr..see if she wud..i'll wait n wait n wait..like i normally do..
im goin sentosa this wed wit sara..saniah..syafa and yanti..feel like asking her along..but i dun think she'll agree to go..sure got plans oready..ntah..haiz..
i miss her so much..
i miss her so much..
i miss her so much..
mayb she cud live without me..but each dae i wake up..im oways waiting for her sms or call..expecting too much?i guess not..im the one who cant live without her..itz so painful..i want her but i cant..haiz..
"youre not an ass"...i think i am amyl..haiz..
my sleeping hours..are goin haywire..sleepin wen itz close to morning..wen everyone awakes..i go to sleep..but at times..i cant sleep at all..last week..i didnt sleep for two days..wen i went to werk last sat..ridhuan said i look'd like a ghost..so as the rest..they said i look'd dead..n nvr been like this before..i mean my best buds..saying tht to me..nvr heard them say tht..means itz coming true..im gonna be dead soon..mayb bcoz of my eyebags..n i think im looking pale..
if things btwn me n ejah werk'd well the last time..i dun think i'll be goin thru this prob now..the pains..th heartbreaks..the regrets..im leaving my life wit full of regrets..juz wen i thot i cud move on wit sum1 else..things happens..n dun werk out tht well..even nvr werked out at all....sux!!!!
i made my mind to leave amilia as the way she is..n let go..but wat she said t me on the fone a couple of daes back itz as though she still wants me to stay.."so wat now?u wanna let go and leave?"you stil want me to suffer the torture of waiting for you?listening to your conversation wit other guys..observing you smsing whoever you are smsing...im kinda sick of it..but the truth is..i cant..i cant let go..i juz cant let go of you..leaving you..and i dunno why im being too patient here..though its pain looking at you doin all this..ive been enduring this..keeping this juz bcos i dun wanna hurt you..hurt ur feelings..i hate it wen i have to say all this..i can juz say "fuck it la..fuck off!!"..haiz..but i duno why im like so weak inside..its like ive melted inside..n ur inside of me..controlling my feelings..playing wit my heart..
i noe u wont care tht much..u only got things to say..u showed affection to me a little way too early..n now ur leaving me hanging..confused..no sense of direction..lost..duno where to go..
well..i got a song for you.."where'd you go"..read it..i hope it make sense..coz im really out of my mind..
Skulls are love'd
--6:24:00 PM Y
"Where'd You Go?"
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing
"Where'd you go?"I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing
"Where'd you go?"I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Skulls are love'd
--6:24:00 PM Y
"Where'd You Go?"
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
She said "Some days I feel like shit,
Some days I wanna quit, and just be normal for a bit,"
I don't understand why you have to always be gone,
I get along but the trips always feel so long,
And, I find myself trying to stay by the phone,
'Cause your voice always helps me to not feel so alone,
But I feel like an idiot, workin' my day around the call,
But when I pick up I don't have much to say,
So, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing
"Where'd you go?"I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
You know the place where you used to live,
Used to barbecue up burgers and ribs,
Used to have a little party every Halloween with candy by the pile,
But now, you only stop by every once and a while,
Shit, I find myself just fillin' my time,
With anything to keep the thought of you from my mind,
I'm doin' fine, I plan to keep it that way,
You can call me if you find that you have something to say,
And I'll tell you, I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', at times debatin',
Tellin' you that I've had it with you and your career,
Me and the rest of the family here singing
"Where'd you go?"I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Skulls are love'd
-Thursday, April 20, 2006-9:23:00 PM Y
I DUN WANNA KNOW
Somebody said they saw you
The person you were kissing wasn't me
And I would never ask you
I just kept it to myself
I don't wanna know
If you're playin' me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know
I think about it when I hold you
When lookin in your eyes, I can't believe
I don't need to know the truth
Baby keep it to yourself
I don't wanna know
If you're playin' me, keep it on the low
Cause my heart can't take it anymore
And if your creepin, please don't let it show
Oh baby, I don't wanna know
I don't wanna know where your whereabouts or how you movin
I know when you in the house or when you cruisin
It's been proven, my love you abusin
I can't understand, how a man got you choosin (yeah)
Undecided, I came and provided
My undivided, you came and denied it (why?)
Don't even try it, I know when you lyin (I know when you lyin)
Don't even do that, I know why you cryin (stop cryin)
I'm not applyin no pressure, just wanna let you know
That I don't wanna let you go (I don't wanna let you go)
And I don't wanna let you leave
Can't say I didn't let you breathe
Gave you extra G's (c'mon), put you in the SUV
You wanted ice so I made you freeze
Made you hot like the West Indies (that's right)
Now it's time you invest in me
Cause if not then it's best you leave
Holla, yeah
Skulls are love'd
--9:10:00 PM Y
MASIH TERSERLAH AYU MU
cepat benar engkau pergi
hujan masih belum berhenti
apa kerna soalan ku tadi?
hatimu terusik kini...
sebagai kekasihmu
layak aku bertanya
sekuat mana cintamu
tiadakah insan lain di hatimu
selainku...
sayang
bukannya sehari dua
percintaan kita ini
janji pun sudah di pateri
sayang
jangan ikut perasaan
marah jangan disimpan
ku hanya ingin menduga dan kini
aku tahu satu kekasihmu
hanya aku
marilah kasih
aku dendangkan
lagu yang pernah
mencuit hatimu
marilah kasih
biarku simbah
api kemarahan yang membakar
di benak
di benakmu
terpaksaku berlari
memintasmu dari pergi
akanku belai rambutmu yang basah
masih terserlah
ayunya wajahmu
walaupun marah
walaupun marah
ayu wajahmu
masih terserlah
ayu wajahmu
to the one who actually loved this song..
sang it for her..
haiz..
so painful..
Skulls are love'd
-Tuesday, April 18, 2006-9:47:00 PM Y
i juz cut my hair
looking at my reflections
"TAKE THE LEAD"
katit & twin fyz
we're the movies..
on my way
my twin & katit
MAKAN WITH MICHAEL
me?yea itz me..
demon & deadlover
SCOUTS FOR LIFE
SEOUL GARDEN
me & steven
they keep feeding me(idz,me,des,steve)
look whoz de only one smiling??
see..still feeding me..
im proud of my group
demon & deadlover
they are my best budd at hospital (mai,kak pah,me & za)
kah mun & nagawati
"COOL HUH" @ CHALET
let's get things started
shisha time!
man's first..
aib gets the smoke all over..
nysh rilek aje..
man's getting it too..
fyz got it out her mouth & nose too..
jay's lookin' kinda sick..
yat ape jadi?
Skulls are love'd
-Sunday, April 16, 2006-5:41:00 PM Y
yesterdae..i went for scouts in the morning..they had their meeting at sunplaza park..did some bbq..haha..
afternoon..i went back ..nap..woke up at 5 when i was suppose to meet my frens at 5..but i wasnt late ah..
lotsa feasting todae..ate alot wit desmond n the rest of them..i think i help desmond escape frm idzhar..always being bulied by idz..but now its as though desmond is closer to me..pity him..
back to back..i went to man chalet..more to eat..fiza..aib..mizy..lin..man..jay..yat..nysha..n ayid..nice to see them..i think aib miss me..haha..wat a creep..haiz..brothers..i love y'all..i only have u guys wen i got no one to turn to..no shoulder to cry on..ur oways arnd..sumtimes girls are not worth more than all of u..u guys are worth it!!!we had a shisha session..n i had fun..
amilia..she called me in the aftrnn..shes sick..but ltr at nyte she called again..shes out n sounds better..but late at nyte wen i called her..shes sick..mayb she jus need to be out..baby..
16/4/2006
today..shes goin out..watch movie..wit who?hmm..not me..she got plans...shes right..itz as though she dunhave time for me..everytime i ask her out she got her own plans...like 2 weeks ago..she was waiting for sumone to cal her..not me..haiz..sumtimes i feel useless..today im depresed..y cant she juz stay hm wen her mum need her..n cancel her movie wit tht otha guy..i duno who..but why cant she meet me last fri mayb b4 or after visiting her grand dad at the hosp at least..m i thinking of myself..im not assuming tht shes selfish or wat la..but ...haiz..i juz duno how to say it..i try to keep myself free frm everything..so tht i cud spent time wit her..but ..shes always not there in end..n either i have to look for my twin..or juz do it on my own..but wen she gota noe im alone she gets mad n tell me tht i seeking for attention..which i dun think i m..ive oways been like this..like being alone to ease my mmind..but i dun forget my loved ones..i no longer do stupid things..cut myself..break a bone..except tht at times i hit my head on the wall to clear my mind but actually itz still the same..i feel like giving up..but shes all i have now..shes the one im in love wit..i dun haave heart for other girls..
she misses me..thts wat she said..im touched...i wanna see her..i wanna meet her..i want her..3 weeks i guess..i nvr see her..
shes diff..things really chge aftr the stupid competition(i wish i wasnt even involve)..talking to her on da fone she cud be mad..n she cud be happy..she cud be moody..restless..haiz..
:,,,(
i miss my b...
Amilia
this morning..i had a nytemare..i dreamt tht i tore apart my whole back..cutting every single skin on my back..wats it abt?haiz..
i guess God noes how i feel..im cried on my prayer mat..then it rained..
haiz...
Skulls are love'd
-Thursday, April 13, 2006-9:47:00 PM Y
yeah..in 2 weeks im in yr 2!!
im having headaches..my leg is killing me..
amilia?ups and downs..as usual..wanna cry but no use crying abt it instead keep trying n trying..
keta peeps ask me abt her wen dey saw me in sch..i juz duno wat to say..dey thot tht we're 2gether oredy..coz thts wat they saw..at first..but now..its no more like tht..i'll wait..
yesterday..i after sch..i went to watch movie with my twin n katit..dey've been here all this while..keep me strong..and stay put..keep my feet on the ground..dey support me n advice me..
but truthfully..i aint gonna give up easily..i love her..i got no one else..im so in love wit her..im so in love wit amilia..i love her..i cant get her off my mind..
the last time i meet amy..when she was having her attachmnt at st andrews..tu pon for half n hour..she was sick..and we took a cab home..
i miss her..
i miss amy..
i miss her..
i miss amilia..
amilia..
Skulls are love'd
--9:14:00 PM Y
who do you love?
here we are
you tell me im the only one
that makes you feel alive..again
and there you go
i see you watching him
wen you dont think i know
should i let you go
so whos it gonna be
is it him or me
who do you love
who do you need
you're messing up my mind
and wasting all my time
who do you love
what do you feel
stop playing with my heart
you're tearing me apart
am i the one who can make you fly up above
is it me who can take you higher
than you're dreaming of
now who do you love
who do you love
turnaround
do you really think
you'll play me like a fool
for you
and then i realize
that when you touch me
its like nothing i have known
could i let you go
so whos it gonna be
izit him or me
who do you love
who do you need
you're messing up my mind
who do you love
what do you feel
stop playing with my heart
you're tearing me apart
am i the one
who can make you fly up above
is it me who can take you higher
than you're dreaming of
now who do you love
who do you love
Skulls are love'd