-Monday, April 24, 2006-6:45:00 PM Y
life has been a silence..she seldom rply my smses..the only time she smsed me is wen she wants me to call her....i miss her..i dunno why..but i do..i wanna try and hate her..but i juz cant..i wanna act like i dun care..but i cant..wats wrng wit me..wat the hell is wrong wit me?
amilia..i duno wat i shud do..i wanna give it all up..but i guess im crap..i cant..i juz cant..i juz cant let you go..
i was late for therapy todae..damn..i woke u at 1130..and my therapy 1145..dead..!!!but nothing was wrong wen i reach'd there..my legs a better now..lesser pain..
amilia went out wit her frens..nursing frens she said wen i called her juz now..got nothing much to say..told her to njoy herself..she said she'll sms me ltr..see if she wud..i'll wait n wait n wait..like i normally do..
im goin sentosa this wed wit sara..saniah..syafa and yanti..feel like asking her along..but i dun think she'll agree to go..sure got plans oready..ntah..haiz..
i miss her so much..
i miss her so much..
i miss her so much..
mayb she cud live without me..but each dae i wake up..im oways waiting for her sms or call..expecting too much?i guess not..im the one who cant live without her..itz so painful..i want her but i cant..haiz..
"youre not an ass"...i think i am amyl..haiz..
my sleeping hours..are goin haywire..sleepin wen itz close to morning..wen everyone awakes..i go to sleep..but at times..i cant sleep at all..last week..i didnt sleep for two days..wen i went to werk last sat..ridhuan said i look'd like a ghost..so as the rest..they said i look'd dead..n nvr been like this before..i mean my best buds..saying tht to me..nvr heard them say tht..means itz coming true..im gonna be dead soon..mayb bcoz of my eyebags..n i think im looking pale..
if things btwn me n ejah werk'd well the last time..i dun think i'll be goin thru this prob now..the pains..th heartbreaks..the regrets..im leaving my life wit full of regrets..juz wen i thot i cud move on wit sum1 else..things happens..n dun werk out tht well..even nvr werked out at all....sux!!!!
i made my mind to leave amilia as the way she is..n let go..but wat she said t me on the fone a couple of daes back itz as though she still wants me to stay.."so wat now?u wanna let go and leave?"you stil want me to suffer the torture of waiting for you?listening to your conversation wit other guys..observing you smsing whoever you are smsing...im kinda sick of it..but the truth is..i cant..i cant let go..i juz cant let go of you..leaving you..and i dunno why im being too patient here..though its pain looking at you doin all this..ive been enduring this..keeping this juz bcos i dun wanna hurt you..hurt ur feelings..i hate it wen i have to say all this..i can juz say "fuck it la..fuck off!!"..haiz..but i duno why im like so weak inside..its like ive melted inside..n ur inside of me..controlling my feelings..playing wit my heart..
i noe u wont care tht much..u only got things to say..u showed affection to me a little way too early..n now ur leaving me hanging..confused..no sense of direction..lost..duno where to go..
well..i got a song for you.."where'd you go"..read it..i hope it make sense..coz im really out of my mind..